in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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