She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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