I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
