Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
