her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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