I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Enjoy the penises
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
