remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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