Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
