how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
