I'm jealous of your bromance
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
