3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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