Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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