Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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