pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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