dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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