I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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