This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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