apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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