I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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