Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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