tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
