yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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