dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
