NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
