Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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