U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
