Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
