apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
