so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
