Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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