it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
