There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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