Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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