when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize