I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
