Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
