By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
