yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
