i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
