quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
