that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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