I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
