Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
