I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
