So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
