you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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