You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
