so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
