Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
