I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
