It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
