I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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