My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
