Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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