Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
