U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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