I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
