he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
