Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm just crazy horny about you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
