I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
