My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
